I wanted to do todays blog about having a narcissist in your life during the festive season and how challenging this can be as this is the time where they tend to act out even more than usual.
A narcissist’s worst nightmare is others getting attention, and them being reminded of their own defectiveness. This is why they continue to bully you and be aggressive in nature as they are projecting all thier own insecurities onto you. A narcissist feelseven more out of control at Xmas so you will often find that they will up thir messaging, trying to start conversation, hooevering and love bombing all during the festive period.
So what can you do to minimise this terrible time?
Firstly it is in YOUR power how YOUR Christmas goes. You know the narcissist in your life will try and make everything about them and they will play the victim role BUT it is your choice how you respond to this and whether you feed their supply. It takes two people to be engaged in messaging and conflict so elliminate your side and you leave the narcissist arguing with themselves.
Do not expect ANYTHING from the narcissist. Don’t ask them to get or do things because there will be excuses and false promises, anything that it takes to push your buttons, hurt you and get you to react. Don’t fall for it. Start to create new memories with you and your family that are fresh, happy and whole.
Be prepared for the inevitable accusations about you are stopping them seeing the children, or you won’t engage with them for the “children sake” at this time. DO NOT FALL FOR IT! These are all ways to ingratiate you back into conversation so they can control and manipulate you. Don’t bite, argue, explain or justify. You do not need to justify anything. NO is a complete sentence so get out of the habit of justifying to make them try and understand as they NEVER will and all this will do is upset and infuriate you even more. Say nothing and get on with it. Don’t respond to anything as your silence can be your response and this is a powerful one. The best you can hope for is that the narcissist takes off to get narcissistic supply elsewhere, and if they are not getting a rise off you, they will.
Do not confront them about their presents, time with kids or indeed anything because they will see this as an easy way to start dragging you back into engaged conversation and you will be back to feeding their narcisssitic supply. Detach, disengage and ignore. Focus on what you can control and that is your environment with your family.
The narcissist can try and say that they still love you at this time or that they wish things had been different. These are all hoovering techniques and can be cranked up over the festive period. I know it can be hard as you see lots of other families all seemingly cosying up together but rememebr those days, weeks, months, years of walking on eggshells and this is a psychological tactic to merely draw you back in to feed their supply.
Knowledge is power in that you know they will behave like this, so zip on your teflon suit and expect the narcisssist to up their mind games and manipulation but be prepared for it. You do not deserve to live a life of mere functioning but one of flourishing.
DO NOT :
- SHOW EMOTION
- MAKE NEW TRADITIONS
- FOCUS ON YOURSELF
- DISENGAGE FROM NARCISSIST
If you are curently still with your narcissist and struggling with knowing how to leave, please reach out to me at any time so I can help and guide you if it is the right decision to make. Do not feel like you are in this on your own .
I have beeen working hard over the last 8 months devising my own signature system of recovery from narcissisitc abuse called the The PLANA Programme (Positive Life After Narcissistic Abuse) where I will be helping people get :
PERSPECTIVE – an understanding of what narcissistic personality disorder is and how co dependency from yourself can contribute to this relationship. Why did you end up in a toxic relationship.
POWER – how do you cope on a day to day basis to feel like you are in control NOT your ex. How do you parent, how do you stop the anxiety and how do you do no contact like a pro.
POSITIVITY – helping you not just function following narcissistic abuse but FLOURISH using positive psychology to increase your wellbeing and happiness with evidence based interventions
It all starts in January with a brand new group coaching programme as a kickstart to the The PLANA Programme and if you would like to schedule a call in with me for FREE to see how I can help you moving forward with either this group coaching programme or on a one to one basis, please just fill in my free discovery call application and we can have a chat because I want to help you stop staying in victim mode and get back your PERSPECTIVE, POWER & POSITIVITY
I am sending you much love and strength over this festive period and please reach out to me via email firstname.lastname@example.org or via my business page on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/divorcebecamemysuperpower/
If you are not already in my private and free Divorce & Breakup Support Group After Narcissistic Abuse, please come and join my growing community of over 3000 now. https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcebecamemysuperpower/
Your friend and coach